Today, I would like to talk to you about S.E.X…Shhhhhhhh! Whoa, I know, we aren’t supposed to say that word or talk about it, especially to strangers and we most definitely shouldn’t be writing about it in a public forum, right? SEX has always been a term that I wasn’t supposed to use or express or discuss growing up. My parents never had “the talk” with me, I got shunned when I was caught putting my Ken and Barbie in the same bed together as a kid. In junior high everybody was too embarrassed to raise their hand during Sex Ed classes and by high school there were girls getting pregnant and being looked down upon if they were on birth control. Even now, as an Adjunct Professor, I still cannot talk about sex, abortion or birth control in my collegiate Health and Wellness classes. So, today, right here and right now, I’m going to set my voice free, open that big can of worms and talk about sex, intimacy, relations, whatever you would like to call it. Please feel free to insert the word that makes you feel most comfortable but for me and my self-expression, I will be using the term Sex.
Let’s take a moment and focus on why this word, for some, has such a stigma around it and not for others. Why can some of us freely talk about sex and initiate a healthy conversation while others find it difficult? Yes, a lot of it has to do with our culture, your upbringing, possibly your religious background etc. but some of it is our own personal comfort level with sex and our own sexuality. I can sit here and tell you story after story of why I feel uncomfortable talking about this topic and where these thoughts and old programming have come from. I can also tell you that it’s always a personal choice to keep these things hidden or face them and make a shift that can change your life. Personally, I had finally gotten to the point, where I knew that I needed to dig a little deeper into this topic and discover why I have suppressed my sexuality all these years. Honestly, the thought of taking this journey scared the crap out me and still does. I mean, who knows what I will discover or what I will find but I know as well as the rest of you, that this is one topic you can’t hide from. It feeds into so many areas of our lives and I know that I would never be able to move forward if I didn’t address it now. So, after many tears and an immense fear, I signed up for a sexual empowerment course and took the first big step in setting my sexual being free! I am going to take you on my journey but right now, I’d like to share with you what I discovered first. …. FEAR.
On our first call for the course, I realized just how afraid I and the rest of women were, in regard to talking about sex, sexuality, intimacy etc. I kept thinking to myself, holy cow, I am not the only one who has “problems” or struggles with sex and sexuality. I couldn’t believe how similar all these women from around the word felt in regard to sex and expression. Then it hit me, this isn’t just a tender issue, it’s an epidemic! This is an issue that sooo many women, likely hundreds of thousands, are experiencing and not just in the US but across the world! Women of all nationalities and ages alike. This wasn’t just my personal issue, it was a worldly issue and one we never hear about.
I was so excited after my first class, that I started to openly admit to other females around me that I was taking a sexual empowerment course and how awesome it was! I started to notice that each of their reactions were similar. They were at first a bit surprised by it, then extremely interested in it and every single one of them wanted to know what I had learned. They all had a desire on some level to take this journey with me and that’s why I have decided to share it with all of you.
Let’s take a moment to focus on Fear. Do you know how we overcome fear? By looking it in the eye and taking the first step through it. For me, it was signing up for the course and now, writing this article and freely using my voice to talk about sex. There’s no way I would have written this article a month ago. That’s how far I’ve come in such a small amount of time and you can too by not letting fear drown out your voice! You likely hear a lot of discussion and teachings around using voice and speaking your truth but how many times have you thought about voice in regard to your sexuality or sexual relations? I know I hadn’t. I, personally, have been working on using my voice for months and months now and never once did I stop to think about it from this viewpoint. Your voice is just as important, if not more, in regard to sex and sexuality as it is to your career, your relationships and everyday life. Your voice during sex, is a tool you can use for pleasure and to enhance your experience. You can also use it to express how you are feeling in those moments of intimacy. Your voice and breath are both essential elements to unleashing the power of your sexuality. As many of us may already know, we have both an internal and external voice. Our internal voice, in this instance, is what you tell yourself about sex and your body. Do you tell yourself that you are a sexual being, deserving of joy and pleasure or is your inner voice telling you that you might be “broken” because you have a hard time surrendering to such pleasure? It’s also what you tell yourself about your body. Are you telling yourself that you are a strong, sexy goddess or are you constantly putting yourself down with dialogue such as “I’d be more attractive if I was skinnier,” or men are more attracted to tiny girls, no one would be attracted to me. Your internal dialogue plays a large role in how you feel about sex and your sexuality, along with how much you will enjoy it.
Your external voice is what you say out loud about sex and your sexuality. Can you have an open and honest conversation with your partner or close friend or do you find yourself remaining quiet or expressing a dislike for intimacy? It’s also how you talk about your body and how you flirt or interact with potential mates. Do you speak confidently about yourself and your appearance or do you shy away when someone pays you a compliment or brush it off with a disempowering comment in the form of a joke? How we use our internal and external voices play a big role in our comfortability to talk about and participate in sex. It also plays a large role in how our external world will view us.
I know personally, that I have always struggled with talking about sex with others and my partners. I would hold it all inside and never let my needs known. If someone told me that I looked nice, I would laugh it off or use a distraction to avoid receiving the compliment. I rarely let my partners know what I enjoy and what I don’t or what I desire. Honestly, it has really prevented me from enjoying myself and tapping into my sexual power and drive. This is how I knew it was time for a change. I am no longer going to let my voice go unheard and I am going to make sure that my inner chatter is telling my body how wonderfully sexy, strong and amazing it is and how it too deserves to experience joy and bliss! So, I would like to challenge you all, to dig a little deeper into your own views and stories around sex and your own sexuality. How comfortable do you feel discussing it or re-discovering it? What does your inner voice tell you about the topic? What
I am no longer going to let my voice go unheard and I am going to make sure that my inner chatter is telling my body how wonderfully sexy, strong and amazing it is and how it too deserves to experience joy and bliss! So, I would like to challenge you all, to dig a little deeper into your own views and stories around sex and your own sexuality. How comfortable do you feel discussing it or re-discovering it? What does your inner voice tell you about the topic? What is your external voice saying to others and the world? Where is your comfort level in discussing these topics and why might you feel this way? Take some time to delve a little deeper and I bet you will be surprised at what you find. I know I sure was! Happy journeying!